Hey, are you ready for an activity?
Yeah, I guess… got nothing better to do anyway.
Great. Let’s place a pen in front of you and decide whether to pick it up or not.
If you choose to pick it up, do so. If not, leave it there.
Do this ten times.
Uh, okay… this is kinda weird, but whatever.
[pauses]
Alright, done. What’s next?
Do You Know Your Decisions Beforehand?
Who decided whether you should pick the pen or not?
Of course, it was me.
Were you under any influence?
Can you see anyone else here? No, I did it by myself.
So, no one influenced you, and it was your own conscious decision, right?
A simple act of your own free will?
Absolutely.
And how many times did you pick it up?
Seven.
Did you know that number beforehand?
No, I decided each time separately just before picking it up.
Okay, repeat the process.
For each time, try to see if you know your final decision before making it.
What? How can I?
Can you drink the tea before making it?
No, but I’d at least know what kind of tea I’m making, right?
Yeah, of course.
If you’re the one deciding, then why can’t you tell the decision you’re going to make?
I think I can.
Before even making that decision?
No, that’s impossible?
A decision comes after thinking; it’s the result.
How can you expect the result before the thinking is done?
So, aredecisions like a lottery? You don’t know until the moment arrives?
Not exactly.
A lottery depends on pure chance; it’s a black box.
Decisions are more like solving a maths problem. You don’t know the answer beforehand, but once solved, you get it.
Okay, fair enough.
Let’s say we solve a problem and get 15, would we say we took 15 or we got 15?
We get 15, of course.
But in a decision, we always assume that it is something that we can take, not something we get or solve.
And that’s why it’s necessary in a decision to know it beforehand; otherwise, how can you say you have taken it?
Can a Decision be Made?
Okay, why discuss so much about a word?
Let’s say I “get” the decision to pick the pen or not?
But then you wouldn’t be able to say “I chose to pick this pen”.
Why?
Because a maths problem works on logic, not your own choices. Where is your choice in getting 4 when you add 1 and 3?
This is not as objective as maths. It is very subjective.
Of course, my bias is involved.
And that’s exactly what I’m asking. Where does that bias come from?
I think it comes from my past…
If you say I avoid sugar because of diabetes, then where is the freedom in that? Your diabetes has decided.
I would say there are decisions where pure reason is not involved.
There is also something that we can call random.
Where are “you” in randomness?
I don’t know, man. However, it seems strange that not knowing my decisions beforehand means I’m not making them.
When would “you say” someone has made a decision?
I don’t think a decision is something that anyone can take.
I think it emerges. Emerges from the factors beyond our reach.
Factors that can be conscious and unconscious.
But that emergence occurs in my brain, right?
So, can’t I say I made the decision?
Would you say you made the pain just because it emerges in your stomach?
Of course, no. But I can say I experienced the pain.
Similarly, all you can say is that you’re aware or conscious of a decision. You can’t claim its authorship.
A decision always emerges in your brain. You have no say in it.
Can There Be an Action Without Decision?
So, you’re saying my pen-picking wasn’t my decision since I didn’t know it beforehand?
Exactly
But I could decide a pattern beforehand, like picking on every alternate turn.
That way, I’d know my next move.
You’ve simply shifted all ten decisions into one decision, choosing the pattern itself.
And where does that pattern come from? Your brain again.
But I can rebel. I can break the pattern.
And that, too, would just be another decision that will pop up in the brain — “Let’s break the pattern this time.”
Would you know beforehand in which turn you will break the pattern?
No, right?
Yeah…
So, there’s no real freedom in rebellious acts as well. Your brain still makes decisions that you’re unaware of until they arrive.
I see.
But some decisions don’t just pop out from my brain. A lot of thinking is required there.
And that thinking would be done by me. On the basis of those efforts, wouldn’t I be able to say that I’ve decided anything?
But choosing to think or not think is itself another decision, one that also emerges on its own.
But thinking is not a one-time decision. I have a choice to leave it in between.
Leaving or not leaving it in between is also a….. Decision.
So, What?
Yeah, they are decisions, so what?
As we discussed, “you” are not required in “your” decisions. A decision doesn’t come “from” you. It comes “to” you.
It is just the output of this brain’s processing, like the spit is the output of salivary glands.
Can you consciously choose how much spit you’re going to produce?
No, of course not.
So, how can you say you’re consciously making any decision?
So you’re saying… it’s all my brain?
Exactly
But am I not my brain?
Do you ever feel like a brain? Do you feel like billions of neurons or neurotransmitters?
You won’t even know about these things until you read them somewhere.
So, how can you say that you consider yourself a brain?
Then what are you trying to say exactly?
I’m saying the decisions you regret or feel proud of… aren’t yours.
There’s just this thing called “the brain.” Decisions emerge there.
But I already knew my brain made decisions.
When you say “my” brain, you have this picture:-
“There is a separate ‘I’ who is using this brain to come up with the decision. And this I is something that we all call our true self”.
Yeah, kind of….
However, we have now seen that whatever this “I” is, the one you believe is in control, it does not even know the decision until it appears.
It is not you who is choosing.
It is the brain making the decisions.
You have no say in it.
So, yes, you cannot even pick a pen.
The pen is simply picked up by a process that happens on its own.
And if you feel otherwise, that feeling too is part of the same process.